Good Morning everyone. I haven’t been posting as much the past couple days cause I had to do work in anticipation of Mr. Charlie’s return. 
Let me start this post by saying I’m not a homophobe, but I admit that I once was. Moving from a small Georgia town to ATL for undergrad was like a shock to my homophobic system. Never had I seen gay men and women out and in the open so freely. I’ll use a quote from Seinfeld: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
Now I never had a dude come onto me directly, which is a good thing. It may have something to do with the Ice Cube scowl I usually wear on my face, but then again, in these times, they say that some of the meanest, baddest looking dudes are hollering at other dudes. My philosophy is simply to keep your overtures over there homie, cause Corduroy don’t play that.
So yesterday after I clocked out at the mill, I hit the gym. I hadn’t been hitting the gym in the morning for the past couple days, but made sure I got there after work. As you might imagine, there is a totally different crowd that works out in the eve. In the mornings at 430am, you have people that are pretty serious about what they’re doing. In the evening, you see some of the “I’m too cute to REALLY work out and sweat” crowd, along with the “do you really think walking on the treadmill is gonna get your big ass in shape” crowd, and a few of the “just give up, take your ass home, and call a Dr. in the morning for lap-band surgery” crowd.
There’s this one dude that comes in, that I’ve nicknamed Twan. Ya’ll know where I’m going with this:
I think Twan is Damon Wayans on the left
Now dude isn’t as flaming as the In Living Color character. So you might ask how I know dude is gay? Well, for starters, living in ATL for some time heightens your gaydar to unprecedented levels. Lemme describe this dude to you….
He’s about 5′4″:
has an S-Curl kit in a little box haircut:
Wears one of those under armor long sleeve tops:
which would be cool if he was built like T.O. (not! it’s still wack), but he has a POT BELLY and NO MUSCLES:
And to top it all off, he walks around with an exaggerated arch in his back and toots his booty up. I guess to let everyone know he’s ready for some action:
Now you’re probably saying that no one should need any heightened gaydar to spot this dude, cause even Stevie Wonder could see it, and you’re probably right. One way my heightened gaydar comes in handy is that I can sense when I’m being watched. And Twan pays close attention to me when I’m working out. He also makes it a point to walk past me to get his dumbbells or to try to get on a machine that will be facing whatever machine I’m on. Now, the old me would have walked up to him and said “You pot bellied broke ass Johnny Gill oompa loompa looking motherf*cker, what the f*ck are you looking at?” Now, I simply ignore it and act like I don’t see him. Living in Atlanta taught me to never let them make eye contact with you. It’s almost as if they try to hypnotize you with overly interested eyes:
looook into my eeeeeeeeyes
Now I said no gay guy approached me directly, so I’ll share the two experiences of indirect come ons. My freshman year there was a guy in my dorm that was super duper fruity. Every so often my door would knock and I’d answer it, and there he was asking for my roommate. If I had a peephole, I probably wouldn’t have answered the door, so every time I did answer it and it was him I’d think to myself like Homer Simpson, “DOH!” My roommate cut hair for pretty much the whole dorm and he told me the dude had pictures of naked men on his wall! He would go to his room to cut his hair because he knew I wouldn’t appreciate it if he was our room. On one occasion when he was cutting his hair, he told me that he asked about me. I was like “Huh!?!? What the f*ck?!?” My roommate laughed and was like “Yeah, he was like ‘So what’s up with your roommate?’ and I laughed and told him ‘Man, NOTHING. He is all the way straight!’” I appreciated that, and afterwards I can say the frequency of “Where’s your roommate? I need a haircut?” visits decreased.
The second experience was an all out psychological assault. I worked at Marshall’s when I was still in undergrad back in 97, and I worked the men’s department. The loudspeaker chimed and the girl at the customer service desk said “Corduroy, you have a call on line 1″ So I picked it up and said “This is Corduroy in Men’s, may I help you?” On the other end this guy said “Uh, yeah….I was there earlier in your section, and I just wanted to know if I could suck your d*ck.” I freaked out and hung up the phone. I was bewildered and felt dirty for the rest of the day. All day I was thinking “I can’t believe that sh!t just happened to me!”
I didn’t really wanna open the floor to share your experiences. Not discouraging the discussion or anything, that just wasn’t my intent. I just thought you might get a kick out of picturing what Twan looked like. I’ll post later on today. Enjoy your hump day!
Ok, I won’t share, but the idea of all these pics together being one person (Twan) is mad funny.
Tell dude in the gym to lay off before we round up a blogger posse and commence to wrecking shop on him.
You can share though if you want!
Man, I know the hypnotic eye look that you’re talking about! I died when you said that. I get it a lot being that I have a really short cut so I get pegged as a lesbian because of it… “not that there’s anything wrong with that!” LOL!
And that Marshall’s incident would freak me out even if it was a person of the opposite sex! You gotta have cohones to pull that one off and make it work. “Hey girl, I was in your section, and I just wanted to know if I could…” YUUUUUUCK DUDE!!!
And you get “two snaps up in ‘Z’ formation for getting up at 4:30am to workout!
Well, since I can share, I’ve been hit on by males and females alike, and abhor aggressive approaches from either. Since my hair is longer, I don’t get hit on by as many ladies anymore though.
The worst case has to have been when I was in grad school in NC and I worked with an “out” lesbian. Every week she asked me out to the movies or dinner, and every week I said no. I didn’t want to be rude about it because we had to work together, but I was glad when she got a girlfriend.
What’s really awkward is having a girl tell you she has a crush on you. I’m always of the belief that you have to be mindful of people’s feelings, so I try not to hurt anyone while turning them down. That goes for women and men. Isn’t this a strange society we’re living in?
um…the Marshall’s call? ew. see that’s how people get shot. i’m not saying violence is right…but i understand.
i’m no homophobe, but i like to nicely nip things in the bud when things get out of line.
i’ve been hit on by women a few times – it’s pretty um…interesting.
when i was in college, i worked in a dept store during my breaks. this one chick that worked at a cell phone kiosk in the mall, i thought might be a lez but wasn’t really sure….at first. she wasn’t butch but she wasn’t exactly feminine either – threw me off a bit. but she was nice and i saw her every day when i worked during the summer. so we started eating lunch together, discovered we lived in nearby neighborhoods, started talking on the phone etc.
i never really thought much of it until she started calling me at like 2 am…talking all low and whispery and saying “what are you up to, beautiful?”
er??
i’m SLEEP that’s what i’m up to. and…beautiful..? how did we get here?
yeaaah…um… we didn’t hang out too much after that.
LOL!!! @ Dfly!
Dfly and A’s stories are like the classic encounters for females. I think gay women are little sneaky (for lack of a better word) about their approach. In my experience, they tend to do the “let’s be friends” and “cry on my shoulder about your man” tip so they can get a closer hit on the target. Its like, do you THINK your gonna catch me slippin’/catch me off guard in understanding my sexual orientation. Like, “oh, damn girl… you almost had me for a minute there, until I just remembered that I was straight.”
“….until I just remembered that I was straight.” <—– LOL!! MP.
um…exactly. tryna seduce somebody on the slide. nerp and negatory. exit, stage straight.
Let, me tell my weakness is women, right! Well I do lots of stuff for lots of people rich, poor whatever. I’ve always felt that what you do is your business as long as you don’t involve me, we good. I had a(n) ex- church member who if I cooked or my family cooked I would take a plate. He kept telling me because of his seizures he needed a roommate. I didn’t bite on it so I would tell him I had a place which at the time was a lie. So after a few weeks, he finally came out and told me he was attracted to me. My defense sense kicked in and was like what the F@CK? Yeah now I had my own phoneline to my bedroom and he would call me saying that he was gonna tell the pastor I was gay. Now mind you, he came out and tried to flip it right. Well to really get yourself F’d up is to call me 1of 3 things: Gay, A Rapist/ Molester or A Theif. Oh this pisses me off so after not answering my phone. He began leaving msgs. So I finally decided to call back. Now this is what I said “You’re the fag you F’n romp ranger and if you don’t stop callin’ i’m gonna put on all black wait on your porch and punch you in your F’n mouth, and told him to quit acting like a B!+ch” I know a bit harsh but I was for real and was bout it. I’m still nice just don’t try me like that. Ok woo saa. I got pissed just thinking about it. I’m better now