Sorry for not writing yesterday gang. No excuses.

If you haven’t been under a rock or aren’t in a state of denial, you probably have an idea of what I’m about to discuss.  It’s the theme of the two pictures above. Halle and Denzel won oscars for their roles in “Monster’s Ball” and “Training Day”, respectively.  Monique recently won the Golden Globe for her role in “Precious”.

Now know that I’m not saying they weren’t deserving of the acclaim they got (not entirely), because they are all good (maybe great) in their own right.  My OPINION is as follows:

Denzel

Denzel was due for one. He has been in the game a long time and you can’t fade him. He’s as solid as they come on the silver screen, and I can’t really think of any weaknesses (in my lay opinion) of his acting ability.  I would probably have to go back to “The Mighty Quinn”, “Mississippi Massala”, or “St. Elsewhere” to see him give anything less than a trump tight performance. HOWEVER, an oscar for that role??  Where he’s a straight up n*gga behaving as n*ggerishly as we’ve ever seen him? Yeah, everyone marveled at how he stretched outside of the good guy role we were accustomed to seeing him in. But call me crazy, but his performance in “Malcom X” was heads and shoulders above that. But we know what that’s all about. Sh*t, I think he did a better job in “He Got Game” and even in that one where he was the bodyguard (and basically sacrificed his life) for the little white girl.

Halle Berry

I may offend some of you, or maybe not. Regardless, I’m gonna say it.  Halle Berry is nothing to write home about. I’m talking about her acting ability. She’s just not that good. Yeah, she’s easy on the eyes (I prefer Nia Long or N’Bushe Wright), but the only time she delivers a performance worth remembering is when she’s playing a disturbed woman.  Case in point: “Mo Better Blues” – crackhead, “Losing Isaiah” – I think she was a crackhead, “Monster’s Ball” – she was on hard times and may have been crackish too.  So she gets an oscar for acting crackish and letting Billy Bob run through her. Go figure.

Monique

I recently saw Precious. I had been holding it off as long as I could because I heard a lot of negative stuff about it and how it portrays black people.  I figured what the heck. I watched it. I cringed. For those of you who haven’t seen it, basically it’s a movie where they string together the most unfortunate events and circumstances together and pile it up on a black girl.  Poverty? check…Educational/Intellectual handicap? check…..Physical abuse? check….Incest? check….Obesity? check…..and let’s throw AIDS in there for good measure…check….

Oh yeah…Monique did do a phenomenal job. I wasn’t so distracted by my own uneasiness not to see that.

Now understand, I’m not naive enough to think that situations like this don’t exist, because I know they do. After all, life imitates art and vice versa. It just makes me wince when I see my community’s dirty laundry aired out in the public like that. Some people may say, well this is an effective way to bring light to these situations so that we can start to do something about it. Yeah, that sounds good in theory, but does it work in practice? Rappers have been rapping about the problems in the community since Melle Mell had “The Message”.  I suspect that this form of entertainment hasn’t done much to heighten the amount of action or activism to address these societal ills.  I think that movies may be a little more effective being that they are a visual representation. But when all is said and done, I think that more than anything, when so much attention is given to us (black people) behaving in such a way, it reinforces and/or perpetuates negative stereotypes.

Basically, I think it’s f*cked up that it seems that we can only receive adulation and adoration when we’re representing our worst.

What does that say to the world?

Think about it.

Corduroy…out…

A comedian once said that comedy comes from a dark (painful) place. I couldn’t agree more because in my circumstances I find oodles and oodles of humor.

For instance, last night I went by my sister’s house just to chill out, and laugh at how crazy my nieces and nephew make her. As I was leaving, she said “You know my theory about men in sweat pants, right?”

I said “No, what?”

She said “They’re unemployed.”

I laughed for a good bit of the trip back home.

My outfit:

black t shirt

green zip up hoodie

black sweat pants

You know what I have on today? Those same black sweat pants, a gray t shirt, that same green zip up hoodie, and a red baseball cap.  (Of course I’m clean!)  But, sh*t, I feel jogging pants are a gift from God, because you really can’t get much more comfortable than that. I can feel my balls do a happy dance every time you put them on. I don’t know what the equivalent would be for you ladies.

So how else am I fitting the stereotype you may ask? Well, for starters, I don’t get out the bed until 12 on most days.  Hold up! Before you shake your head in disgust, know that I wake up at 9, and i pull my laptop on my lap to feverishly job hunt just as I did the day before and the day before that.  I hear how some people take pride in setting their alarm clock and getting up in the morning just as they would when they had a job to go to.  Someone has to run down the value in this odd behavior, cause I just don’t see the point.  I think it sounds like some type of mental defect. I will say, however, that it feels good to come to the public library (in my jogging pants) get on my laptop, fire off emails, apply for jobs, and just generally be productive.  There’s even a project I’ve been making headway on that me and my boy have been cooking up for a while that we’re about to release to the public. Oh it’ll be big, so stay tuned.

I also have grown my beard out and I’m trying to get it big like Teddy Pendergrass (R.I.P.), hoping that I won’t look like a vagabond or have the nasty Rick Ross look going. Until tomorrow. Corduroy…..out….

You can throw your panties at the screen too

So what’s been going on?  I became a victim of the recession back in November, and that was the catalyst behind me not writing as muich. It’s funny how much money (or the lack thereof) can affect your whole life. I went into panic mode and eventually to do what most grown folk dread: moving back home. Yep, because no job = no money = no rent = your black a*s has to find new living accomodations.

So I’m 33, living at home with my mom and her husband…..

Just typing that sentence makes my heart heavy.  That is some of the lamest sh*t I ever communicated to another person, and here I am communicating it to the whole world! But you know what? It could always be worse. I believe that.  I was chatting with a young lady that lost her job and has two sons. She is currently living in a shelter. Lord knows I admire her strength. That could have been me. But don’t get it f*cked up, because it could have been any of you too!  Fortunately, it’s just me, myself, and I with no dependants, so from that aspect, I’m blessed.  Now I’m not saying that to say I’m resting on my laurels because I’m relatively “good”, cause believe you me, I’ve sent out so many resumes I’m waaaaay beyond remembering who the hell i sent it too. I know I’m up to about 800 or 900 in online applications and sent mail with the subject “Re: _____ position candidate”

So I’m single, jobless, and penniless, and I get asked frequently “why are you single?”  That’s so funny to me.  You guys out there can feel me on this. When you’re trying to pursue a woman seriously, not having the scrilla to pay for things and treat her like the queen you want her to be in your eyes, makes you pretty gun shy.  Women will often follow up that point of view with “Oh, but she should understand what you’re trying to do, and it’s not like you’re some sorry scrub n*gga”, or something to that effect.  True, I’m nobody’s scrub n*gga (the meaning in this context is a joker that is just trying to get by, live off of a woman’s generosity, and not trying do better himself or succeed in life), but even still, it’s a lot more comfortable just keeping to yourself, staying on your grind trying to find a new gig, and telling yourself that your state of broketivity won’t last forever.  I believe that.

So how do I spend my days you may ask? Well, I job hunt (a given), I work out at the gym (hey, if I’m gonna be broke, I might as well look good and be healthy!), and I coach boy’s little league basketball (a 12 and under team and a 6 and under team).  The coaching is gonna be the subject of a few posts, because kids are fascinating and can be funny as sh*t.  The way they behave make me wonder if I had ever been that age! lol

Well, this post didn’t have any point or anything, I just wanted to holler at ya’ll . I plan to write about something that’ll make you chortle tomorrow.

Corduroy…out…

Michael at his best

This morning while watching the Today Show as they were chronicling Michael Jackson’s life, I felt that familiar swell in my neck and the warmth in my face and the warmth around my eyes, and before long, tears started streaming down my face.  Rather than choke them back and “man up”, I went ahead and let them fall for a few minutes, then I shook off the wave of grief that had overcome me, and got up to shower.

I, like most of you, didn’t know Michael Jackson.  But we grew up with his music, his videos, and savored every morsel of access we got of his life through the media.  For me, Michael Jackson was the first artist who I loved everything he did and couldn’t get enough of.  I remember the night that “Thriller” premiered on Night Tracks in 83 and since it came on so late and I was only 7 years old, I couldn’t hang, so I made my older sister promise to wake me up if I fell asleep.  You all know how excited and well produced the video was. My best friend at the time that lived behind me had an older brother that a few years later got a hold of a making of thriller vhs.  My sister even had a Michael Jackson doll that she is pissed that she can’t find now.

I put the “Off the Wall” picture at the top of this post because contrary to popular belief, this was his best album. I say contrary to popular belief, because the pop world and popular music embraces “Thriller” as MJ’s best, but black folk undeniably hold “Off the Wall” as his best. Mike was still soulful, wore an afro, and him and Quincy just put it down for the people.  I’m not hating on “Thriller” at all, because it was a great album in it’s own right, but my opinion is that when you throw in hard rock guitar riffs, that doesn’t connect with most blacks in a way that it does with a lot of other cultures.  But I digress.  MJ was the sh!t. His albums were the sh!t. We have suffered a HUGE HUGE loss, and he will be missed.

My most vivid memory was 1985. It was me, my sister, and two of my cousins. We went to Jacksonville to the stadium where I believe the Jaguars play, if that’s the one, and we witnessed the Victory tour.  Yes, all the Jacksons in their glittery flashy uniforms doing songs from the Victory album, old J5 stuff, and Michael doing some of his solo stuff.  I remember my sister crying and her and I screaming so much for Michael our throats were raw. My stepmom laughing at my sister crying, and when they performed the song “Heartbreak Hotel”.  I was on an energy filled high for several hours after that concert.  Last night my sister reminded me that she got to go to the “Off the Wall” tour which probably was back in 81 or 82 so. I am pretty envious of that.

The initials MJ must hold a special key to some kind of superhuman success or ability.  Michael Jordan was the greatest that ever played and Michael Jackson is the greatest entertainer there ever was and there ever will be.  Yes, even greater than Elvis (which is laughable to even consider otherwise).

Now, Michael in later years lost the appeal he once had and as I grew older it lessened even more. His behavior and actions got stranger and his skin got lighter.  By looking at a picture they had on the news, he looked like a white woman.  Black people joke about Michael’s tranformation and his behavior, but the common feeling about Michael Jackson in the black community always remained clear: “Yeah Michael Jackson is a weirdo, but he’s OUR weirdo, and he’ll always be no matter what.” Because make no mistake about it, Michael Jackson will always be that little black boy in the huge black family from Gary, Indiana, which wasn’t nothin nice. Black people will always be proud of what the man was able to accomplish in his short time on this planet.

I feel a somber mood in my universe, and although I didn’t know Michael and probably will never know what trials and tribulations the man went through (some external and some self imposed), I feel sorry for him and his family and everyone who’s life he touched.  The world will miss him. I know I do already.

If you would be so kind, holler at your boy and share with the class your fondest MJ memory.

However, I’m here to tell you, a brand new Corduroy is coming soon. You won’t even recognize me (or at least my blog).   I’ll provide something that’s 300% more engaging (yes, I’ve measured it!)

So if you still have love for your boy Corduroy, just stay tuned…

FREE YOUR MIND PEOPLE!!

Good morning everyone.  I wanna talk about the Matrix.  I’m not trying to get into some existential discussion about every aspect of life, but more so a limited discussion about your job.  Yes, your job, the bane of most of our existences (or existii??), but a part of life that is necessary, nonetheless.

Why do I call it the Matrix?  Well, whenever I think about the job I think about its bondage as well the liberation from it.  It conjures up the image of Neo being unplugged from the matrix and eventually sliding out from his KY goo filled capsule with atrophied muscles and plug outlets interspersed throughout his body.  He then sees the world for what it really is: a dark, post-apocalyptic horror.

Now on one hand, Neo has been freed, which is a great thing. But at the same time, he’s been freed into a pretty f*cked up world, and that just sucks.  However, whenever Neo or anyone of the liberated souls plug back into the Matrix to handle business, they can do phenomenal feats, which is only possible through the mantra that Morpheus teaches: “FREE YOUR MIND”

Now I have analogized the workplace as the Matrix, when it is in fact just one part of it, but a very very eeeeeeeevil part of it.  I don’t know about you, but when I sit at my desk, I feel like I’m in a prison of sorts.  My mind doesn’t feel free.  Whenever I want my mind to be free to roam about the possibilities of life, whether professionally or personally, it doesn’t take long for it to be grounded and shackled by some inane work related task.

Am I complaining? I guess you could say that I am, but like many of you, I’m quick to say that I’m thankful for my job, especially in this economy.  But taking a step back from that, what am I thankful for?  Well, when all is considered, I guess I’m thankful to be able to pay my bills.  The funny thing is that they are bills that I’ve created.  And therein lies the rub…..If I hadn’t created bills, I wouldn’t have to work to stay ahead of them.  Of course I’m not talking about the necessities of life like food and shelter, even though they cost money too, but it’s all those other “things” that makes me have to work, even though the only thing I have to do is stay black and die.

The Matrix functions as modern day slavery, but who’s the slave master?  Is it Mr. Charlie that sits in  his office with a door that closes and  his big window that looks out onto whatever lies beyond these walls, or is it in fact the man or woman in the mirror who wanted to have the things that added comfort to his or her life?  Well, even though it’s a lot easier (and really satisfying) to say it’s Mr. Charlie, the fact remains that if you’re not in the military, you had a choice to take this job. Mr. C is just playing his part.   I didn’t intend to defend him, because I despise everything he represents, but I think it’s a lot more helpful for my mental well being to be more pragmatic when looking at life.

I know this post is boring as sh!t, but I just had this stuff on my mind.  I still want to win the lottery and come into work the next day to act a fool and show my ass before wishing everyone a nice life, but until that day I have to cope with this workplace bondage and reconciling that with the hand that I had in this state of affairs.

Thank God it’s Wednesday!!

…Yes, as in the Extra Terrestrial.  That movie came out in 1982 and I was going on 6 years old.  My sister, who at the time was 13 took me and I remember the meat of the story – alien gets displaced on earth, alien befriends little boy, mean scary white men try to capture alien to tap into their inner Captain Kirk by having sex with an alien, boy helps alien to escape the evil white men, alien goes home.  It’s something along those lines.

The part that made me cry was when he had to go home.  That Spieldberg is a master storyteller and in my going on 6 year old heart and mind, he created an attachment for this ugly little alien that looks like an old black man’s scrotum with eyeballs and for the friendship between the alien and the boy.

I remember trying to hold it back and not being able to.  The tears came and I sobbed.  My sister bent down over me and said “Why are you crying?!”  and in a manner that only a 5 year old could convey I said “…(sob)….because….(sob)….it’s…(sob)…so….(sob)….sad!”

She thought that was the funniest thing and just giggled away for the rest of the movie at me.  i didn’t care.  I hate that E.T. had to go back home and leave behind the boy he had befriended in his stay on earth.  But when I think about it, long term, E.T. probably would have really cramped dude’s style.  E.T. ate, so he had to take a sh!t.  And then afterwards, just to walk around naked with your ass out. They never addressed that in the movie.

Also, I don’t think E.T. washed, and with all those folds of scrotum skin, he probably smelled like a Krystal burger. (White Castle for you northerners) Don’t play like you don’t remember when you were in middle school there was always that chubby girl who smelled like a Krystal burger and had stains on her clothes. But just think about the boy growing up to a teenager, and inviting a girl over for pizza and a movie, but whenever they try to do some heavy petting, that krystal burger and extra terrestrial booty smell probably crept into her nostrils and busted up his groove in a major way.

But I digress….

I just thought of that because like so many firsts for me, they are permanently etched in my mind.  I feel sorry for people who can’t remember things like the first movie they cried on or another one which never fails to baffle me – their first kiss.  I mean, how can you forget the event that led to the opening of the floodgates for man/woman  intimacy for the rest of your life? (man/man or woman/woman if that’s your thing).

I remember the first time I had cheesecake. I was also 5 and it was at the most popular black man’s fine dining establishment – Red Lobster.  They would roll the dessert cart to your table with a slice of whatever for display.  My mom recommended that I try the cheesecake, and being 5, it didn’t look interesting at all.  There was no whipped cream, no gooeyness dripping on the plate, no sprinkles, no nothing. It was just a beige sliver of stuff.  I begrudgingly went with it, and to this day, cheesecake is in my top 3 sweets of all time.

This is the question I pose:

How good are you at remembering your firsts?

I know some if not all of you out there can relate. When you want something so bad, you’re made to believe if you want it bad enough and give an ample amount of effort, whatever you want will come to fruition.  Well, so you apply the formula, and then what if it doesn’t happen?  Then what?  Well, that’s what I’m coming out of at this point, and I have decided to try again.

You know, the people who care about you and even those that don’t even know you well are quick to say “You can’t give up!”  when they are on the outside looking in.  I don’t fault any of them because their intentions are usually good, and they want to see you succeed.  What I think most don’t consider is how much of a beating one’s spirit takes after being told over and over that you’ve failed.   There is no way to really express the magnitude of the hit it takes other than saying……that the hit is substantial.

After enough times of failing, you begin to question your decisions and ask the question “Is this where God wants me to be, or is this failed attempt God trying to tell me that this is exactly where He doesn’t want me?”

I know most of you out there are saying “Well Cord, you should pray on it.”  Ok, and that’s great advice….but give me some credit…you don’t think I haven’t prayed the prayer asking God to show me His purpose for me?  Believe me, I have prayed for guidance numerous times.  And then I think to myself “How did I get here?” and think back to all the major choices I’ve made in my life that brought me to where I am.

For the beginning of my adulthood I pretty much lived my life the way I had been conditioned to.  It was safe, and predictable. All things considered, there was a life waiting on me that I could pretty much depend on if I followed the script.  Something in me was attracted to the road less traveled.  It’s not like I’m the first to do the things that I’ve done or the decisions I’ve made, but I have learned that there is a cost that comes with doing something different. I want so badly to be able to look back on it all and say it was worth it, but when you’re where I am emotionally, you can’t help but to reflect to when life was simple.  I have voiced this feeling to my boy Grady numerous times.  He and I had been through a lot navigating adulthood in the city and are kind of in similar states of mind where we yearn for days past when life was much easier.  I say “Man, I would have been married and probably on kid #2 by now, just living life and enjoying being a family man.”  His reply is always the same: “But you wouldn’t have been happy.”  And he’s right, because in my mind, I have done so much since I decided to go off the beaten path.  Not knowing all that I know now and not being able to experience at least half of it would have always had me wondering what could have been, and I have always vowed to never to spend the rest of my days with those kinds of thoughts.  So in that respect, I am happy.

Going back to the “don’t be a quitter” mantra that everyone holds in such high esteem….  yeah, there is a certain value that people attach to that ideal, but I think there is a fine line between not being a quitter, and being a fool that is trying to force something that doesn’t fit or that wasn’t meant to be.  For instance, I’m sliding into 33 soon, I’m 5’10″, my knees aren’t in the best shape, and I have ruptured tendons and ligaments over the years. What if I set the goal of trying to dunk a basketball, when the last time I was able to do that was 10th grade, when I was about 40 lbs lighter, a lot faster, and relatively stronger and whole in my lower body?  You’d be more inclined to think that was the goal of a fool.

Anyway, I’m not saying what I’m up against is as formidable an obstacle as dunking a basketball, but after enough attempts, it sure seems like it.  I just want to live my life and for everyone that is like “don’t quit!  you can’t quit!”  My thoughts are “But that’s where you’re wrong!  I CAN quit!” and you know what?  I will be fine, because this is my life and I have to be happy with myself.    That “don’t be a quitter” stuff to a degree is so that everyone around you can say “That Corduroy isn’t a quitter.  He has character.”  MAN…F*CK THAT.  I don’t give a sh!t about anyone’s valuation of my character in this respect.  You know what I regret?  I regret making my intentions or goals known to anyone other than my family, because then I wouldn’t have to hear everyone’s unsolicited advice on what I should do with my life.

Anyway, this was a total Monday buzzkiller I know, but writing is cathartic.  I’ll be better in no time.

Comment if you feel like it.  Oh, and not to be an asshole, but I’m not soliciting for advice.

Before I start with my list I want to speak on something that I’ve thought  about.  I have an ongoing debate with a very good friend about real music versus hip hop music. When I say real music, I’m referring to soul music; music with vocals, instruments, choruses, bridges, etc. and not saying it as a diss to hip hop, but when you listen to the music, it is primarily constructed of a looped beat and/or instrumental and minor variations of that.  There are some rappers out there that incorporate elements of real music in their work, but they are few and far between.

The debate is centered around the messages in hip hop music versus the messages in soul music (I don’t use the marketing-inspired label “neo”. It just current day soul music).  Anyhow,  as far as the content of the messages pitted against one another, I dare say that hip hop is a lot more flexible in what it can convey versus what soul music can convey.  In hip hop they can rap about having fun, struggles of the street, life and death, sex, and love.

I know you smart folk out there are thinking “But wait a minute! In soul music, they have songs that are about all those things!”  So true, but think about this: when rappers rap, they usually can say a lot more in a verse than a singer can.  A rapper can say a whole sentence in the time that it may take a singer to sing a note of one word.  For that reason, it allows for the rapper to communicate more effectively than the singer.  I’m not saying that they all do, because most don’t, but if you listen to Talib Kweli for example, you could probably agree that any singer would be hard pressed to make a song as informatively dense as one of his verses.    But as far the debate goes that I’ve been having, my friend attacks soul music for its stories of “rainbows, love, unicorns, and stars in the sky” as she puts it.  I will concede and say that the majority of soul music is about love.   Why that is I think is because it is music better suited for love and, well, beautiful things.  Hip hop on the other hand is better suited to the grittier aspects of life.  Now there are outliers and exceptions to every rule, and in this case, consider this:

Soul Music = love and beautiful things, right? But then you have “Inner City Blues” by Marvin, “Kung Fu” by Curtis Mayfield, “Africa” by D’Angelo, “Living for the City” by Stevie, and various songs by Lyfe Jennings and Jaheim (two artists that I don’t really listen to).

Hip Hop Music = the tougher side of life, right?  But then you have “I need love” by LL, “Beautiful Things” by Bahamadia, “Beautiful” by Masta Ace, “Summertime” by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, “Bonita Appelbum” by Tribe, and others.

The truth is that when you think of hip hop and hip hop artists as an amorphous concept,  beautiful things and love isn’t what your mind automatically links to it. When you think about soul music in equally broad terms, hard times isn’t the automatic link.  However, I believe it’s easier to be in the gray area with soul music since its roots are in blues, gospel, negro spirituals, and the like.  When it’s all said and done though, when I hear a beautiful singing voice, I’d rather hear words of love and the happier, more positive side of life, no matter how unattainable it may be.

I’ll probably continue to have this debate, but I’m trying to make better sense of it.

Anyhow, onto the list.  My list is comprised of 20 songs because after yesterday’s exercise of the top 5, I know 5 just won’t do any justice.  I’ll give brief explanations of each. Oh, yesterday’s list wasn’t in any particular order, and this will be the same thing. Also, I hope everyone understands that whenever anyone says top ___ anything, it is IMPOSSIBLE to ignore personal taste.  After all, it’s art and there is probably no quantitative measure to accurately assess the impact of a song on one person to another, or even from a group of people to another.

“Fight the Power” - Public Enemy is down for black people and I don’t think  there is any song that could make a little black boy feel more like “I’M BLACK, WHAT MOTHERF*CKER!!?”  It’s the modern day “I’m Black, and I’m Proud” song.   That line about Elvis being racist was the most in your face line ever rapped.

“I Wanna Rock” by Rob Base and DJ Eazy Rock – This song is probably THE MOST recognizable hip hop party song and beat of all time.  Everyone knows the words. I say everyone but I’m turning 33 this year, so I guess I mean everyone probably 28 – 45.  If you don’t know this song, you’re either a youngin or you’re not from planet earth.

“Children’s Story” – Slick Rick is heralded as the greatest hip hop storyteller of all time, and he deserves it. I’d even say this is in the top 5 best rap videos of all time too.  Just plain clever and funny.  There was even a message in there.  You can’t ask for more. If you’re around my age you know the words to this one too.  So much that when you’re at a party, the DJ will stop the record so the crowd can go “DAAAAAVE, THE DOPE FIEND SHOO   TIN DOPE WHO DON’T KNOW THE MEANIN’ OF WATER NOR SOAP!”

“Ain’t Nothin But a G Thang” – Dr. Dre changed hip hop forever with this song. I was in the 10th grade when this hit, and it stayed on the video countdowns for weeks and weeks and weeks.  Nothing sounded like it from top to bottom, and even though Snoop was introduced earlier in the “Deep Cover” song, he was way more Snoopy D-o-double-G on this song that made you take notice.

“Rock the Bells” – I’m no LL Cool J fan, and haven’t been one since around 1990, but when this song comes on, people my age can’t help but to do the wop.  It’s just a woperific song.

“Ain’t no Half Steppin” – Big Daddy Kane was hip hop personified in 88. There was none cooler, and this song exemplifies coolness from the lazy but hard beat, the braggadocious rhymes, and even that low budget corny video.

“Paid in Full” – Every hustler’s anthem.  Sh!t, you don’t even have to be a hustler for this to be an anthem.  Just live in America. This song is such an oddity to me because if you listen, it’s probably one of the shortest rap songs of all time. It only had one verse! But the thing is, everything he is saying is so incredibly poignant.  “I don’t like to dream about getting paid….” Sh!t, I know I don’t.

“Mind Playing Tricks On Me” – This song is pretty darn creative. Beat selection was definitely on point, and even though the Geto Boys were an odd match, they definitely had interesting personas that made you want to hear each person’s verse. You have Scarface, the no nonsense lyrically insightful mc, Willie D, the rough talking yet funny caveman, and Bushwick Bill, the mentally disturbed small person.

“Summertime” – Who doesn’t love this song?? If this song doesn’t make you feel good when it comes on, you may be kin to the Grinch and you probably have a heart 10 times too small!!  This song is so timeless because Will Smith is rapping about something everyone can relate to, especially if you’re black.  Warm weather, washing your car, playing ball, hollering at chicks, kids playing…. Huh? If you don’t like this song, you need to be jailed.

“Love’s Gonna Getcha” - Boogie Down Productions (KRS One) gave it to us straight with a very vivid story.  No matter your background, you get drawn into the story and understand the message and there is absolutely no way you can dispute the positivity it conveys.

“So Fresh, So Clean” – Some of you may scoff at this song, but to me, this is probably the most no holds barred “I’m feelin myself” song ever made. It makes you smile and even laugh to yourself.  When you listen to it, it’s almost like it gives you permission to feel like “Yeah motherf*cker, I look good….and what!”

“Paul Revere” - Gotta love the Beastie Boys.  The song was pretty silly, but in its outrageousness emerged classic hip hop.

“F*ck the Police” – Nothing really can be said about this song that hasn’t been said already.  Even though I’m not a west coast G or anything, to this day I still have a strong dislike for police.  Not because of the song, but the song just tipped me off to the a*shole tendencies that most cops have.

“Freaky Tales” by Too Short- “I knew this girl….”  This song is funny as sh!t every time I hear it.  The great thing about it is that it goes on for like 10 minutes telling nasty stories about women.  Yeah I know you women may not appreciate that it’s at your expense, but really and truly it’s all in fun and Too Short has the best A-B-C 1-2-3 nursery rhyme delivery of all time.  Gotta love this song.

“Planet Rock” – I almost don’t wanna put this one down because even though Afrika Bambataa and the Soulsonic Force is definitely hip hop, I usually think of this as something different like Funk or breakdancing music.  Nevertheless, it’s probably one of the most energetic songs

“Shimmy Shimmy Ya” – What? How did ODB get in the list? Have you ever seen how people dance to this when it comes on?  It’s a sight to see, because everyone dances just a liiiiiiittle bit funkier.

“The Choice is Yours” by Black Sheep – This is another crowd reaction song.  When you listen to it, the introduction is dramatic, the beat is hard, and there is crazy energy in it. People may even jump up and down.

“Top Billin” by Audio Two – This song is such classic hip hop, it almost makes me want to be from Brooklyn when it comes on. It’s not really a good song to dance to, but somehow it seems to work its way into parties occasionally. Strange.

“Buddy” by the Native Tongues – I think this is the best posse cut of all time.  I know a lot of you may say that that title should go to “The Symphony”, but I guess I just liked this one better. Hey, this is my list.

“Mo Money, Mo Problems” by Puff Biggie and Mase – This song probably is the best example of how to most effectively use a sample.  The sample and beat make it impossible not to dance when it comes on. It’s unreal.

There you have it. Some of the songs were picked because of their outright influence on black culture, some because of their messages, some because of their recognizability, some because of their crowd reaction.  There are way too many ways to dice it all up and I’d say there are infinite ways to judge and rate songs.   I didn’t really think about these songs before I started typing either, so they just came to you as they came to me.

What say you?

killer mike

Well how bout I talk about something that I DO know about??  lol.  Allhiphop.com interviews artists and they have an insightful piece that asks the artists who the top 5 mcs are dead or alive.  The usual suspects are 2pac, Biggie, Jay-z, Nas, and for some reason Lil Wayne.  The rappers they ask usually have reasons like “such and such brought this to the game….lyrically they’re this….they have a flow like that….their swagger…etc, blah blah blah.”

Now generally speaking, I think the critical mass of rappers out there are idiots because they can’t articulate themselves.  How a person communicates is probably one of the most direct links to their level of intelligence, hence my aversion for misspelled words, “text talk”, and the misuse of homonyms (see they’re, their, and there). When these rappers talk they often speak in vague terms peppered with hip hop vernacular “catch-alls” (“nah mean?”, “ya feel me?”……..no nigga…we don’t know what you mean.  that’s why we asked you the question in the first place)

However, there are a handful of rappers that go against the grain that I think are truly intelligent, and if not intelligent, at least mature enough and conduct themselves like grown men are supposed to. For example, I think 50 cent is a pretty smart dude. This may surprise some of you, but understand I think his intelligence can be surmised to the extent of his manipulation of the media.  He has been around for a minute and still has the ability to keep his buzz going without hit records out.  He has made some pretty good power moves too in business with Vitamin water, Video games, and movies.  Now as far as the content of his music, it has as much substance as angel food cake with its tales of drugs, guns, and sex, but at the same time, 50 has never professed to strive for anything else except to make money and  he definitely has proven that.  Other rappers that I think are intelligent dudes and respect are Talib Kweli, Chuck D, KRS-One, Mos Def (who can be a little off at times), and Killer Mike.

There are other rappers that I respect because they speak from a place of wisdom and maturity, and two come to mind: Scarface and Bun B.

There are a handful of rappers that I think deserve honorable mention because I think that in spite of their product and persona, they aren’t dummies.  Ludacris, Lil Wayne, Jay Z come to mind in this category.

Now I could go on and on and on with different categories of rappers and how I feel about each and my reasons for each, but that could get pretty lengthy.  One thing remains though in my assessment of hip hop and artists in general: I place an extremely high value on intelligence and the content of their messages, because no matter how much an artist can claim that their music is for grown folks, or no matter how much of a hip hop head an adult claims to be, hip hop is largely a music of the youth, and as people get older, they listen to hip hop less and less.

I think I grew up in the golden age of hip hop (mid 80s  to mid 90s) as well as the golden age of the NBA (Magic, Kareem, Bird, Jordan, Dominique, Worthy, Barkley, Isaiah).  There was a time during the golden age of hip hop where it was all about being pro black and celebrating your African heritage.  I had an African leather medallion, a box, and the whole nine.  I know I didn’t understand everything that Public Enemy or the X clan was talking about, but I know they were giving me messages that were good for me.

Nowadays that’s not what’s poppin in the streets (nod to Chappelle).  I don’t know how or when the positive black messages got out of fashion, but I hate that they did. Instead you have the same ole stories of how much money a rapper has, how many different ways they can kill someone, or how much sex they can have.  Don’t get me wrong, I think all the messages have their place, but for those messages to serve as what the most popular stuff is just hurts me to my heart.  I don’t listen to the radio for that reason.  I turn it on and hear a little bit, shake my head, and try to quickly find the “old school R&B” station for the REAL music.  It’s so funny how dramatic your tastes change as you get older.

Anyhow, I’ve meandered enough, so getting back to the point of this blog…I was reading Allhiphop yesterday and found Killer Mike’s top 5 dead or alive.  He gave a pretty darn good list and pretty good reasons for each.  Here is the list, and to recap it he named Andre 3000, Ceelo Green, Eminem, Scarface, and AZ.  I probably wouldn’t have put AZ on that list, but he gave a decent reason and it made me want to find some AZ stuff to see what he had to say.  Killer Mike is a pretty smart dude too, and it’s not because he went to Morehouse, because even though there are smart dudes that go there, not everyone is as sharp as a tack. Just listen to his music and read any of his interviews.  His intelligence always shines through.

Anyhow, I’d like to give my top 5 mcs dead or alive.  Let me preface it by saying that neither Nas, Biggie, nor Jay-Z go on my list. Why? Cause I just don’t think they were/are that great in my opinion.  A person posted the comment “Opinions are like as$holes” and nothing could be truer.

So here it goes:

Rakim

Rakim: in his prime, Rakim had the best voice and smoothest delivery ever.  He was like James Earl Jones on the mic.

Grand Puba

Grand Puba:  Plenty of you would be like huh? who? Yeah, he’s most known as the lead rapper in Brand Nubian.  People talk about “swagger” nowadays (hip hop translation: “style”), and Grand Puba had TONS of style.  Hip hop fashion was primarily thought of as gold chains, expensive tennis shoes, and a lot of stuff that was really pretty outlandish, inaccessible, or fadish to be wearing to school.  Grand Puba really and truly brought the preppy style to the forefront with Tommy Hilfiger, which was cool because it was quality stuff, but at the same time timeless gear and accessible for kids in school.  Apart from his style, he had a flow and delivery that was probably the most content rich while playful at the same time. It was almost like he was telling jokes every time he rapped.  I think he is the blueprint for Kanye West.  Just check him out.

Pos

Posdnous: Again, plenty of ya’ll are like huh? who? He’s the darkskin rapper in De la Soul.  When they came out back in 88, he was so ahead of his time that most people didn’t get it and still don’t.  Yeah, a lot of the stuff he rapped about was pretty esoteric, but his word choice, cadences, content, and delivery make Pos top notch in my book.  The only song non fans can think of is “Me myself and I”, which is cool (definitely not my favorite or their best), but just that style in itself was different because De La always dared to be different. They get much respect for that.

pharoahe monch

Pharoahe Monche:  This dude is probably the most lethal on the mic.  Listening to him rap sounds like he is doing verbal surgery on your ears.  You can hear EVERY word he says, which is a skill that not many mcs can claim (KRS One, Kool Moe Dee, and plenty other old school rappers, because for some reason, modern day rappers have speech impediments that hamper their ability to enunciate).  Pharoahe Monche used to be in Organized Konfusion and I didn’t listen to him then, but then he went solo and after I heard “Simon Says” I have been in awe of his skills ever since.

KRS One

KRS-One: Ok, I think KRS has to be the most intelligent pro black rapper ever.  Whenever he raps he is teaching.  That’s one of his monikers too: “the teacher”.   If you can find the video on youtube for the song “You Must Learn” you’ll see what bag he is coming out of.  For all you BDP historians out there, you can say that his first album had questionable content (“Criminal Minded”), and it did.  I’m not making excuses for it, but it was 1987 and he was young.  And he has since more than made up for that musical misstep. Also, that album shouldn’t be totally discounted because of the hip hop classics “The Bridge is over”, “Superho”, “Poetry”, etc.

Now I know what the bloggers mean when they say that a top 5 list is difficult.  I wanted to put 2pac in there, Talib Kweli, and even Snoop Dogg up there for their strengths.  Maybe I’ll talk about them in another blog.  This one has rambled on enough though.  What say you?