Why I don’t throw parties

22 10 2008

Good hump day everyone.  I know you all probably are wondering why I don’t throw parties.  Well, probably not, but I’m gonna tell you anyway.

It was my 10th birthday coming up in 1986 and I invited a lot of my friends from school as well as just about everyone from the neighborhood.  In my mind, I envisioned a really fun party with music playing, cake eating, and breakdancing.  Now as you know, breakdancing was huge during that time, and I wanted everyone to break dance like it was Breakin’ or Beat Street!  I had a big clean piece of cardboard, and in the event that someone’s backspin or windmill went off the cardboard, my mother had mopped and waxed the floor, so we were good.  The stage was set for a breakdance explosion!

Well, I guess my expectations were not so realistic.  Oh, it wasn’t that my party wasn’t well attended.  I think only 2 people didn’t make it, so my house was packed with kids. The cake was proper too.  I had a cake with Rubik on it. The rubik’s cube toy was huge during that time too, and like many fads, it had it’s own Saturday morning cartoon, “Rubik, The Amazing Cube”:


Now that I look at it, that sure is an ugly face to put on a cake.  Oh well, that was my cake.  Where my party fell short is the fact that NOBODY WAS BREAKDANCING!  Kids were just standing around and not doing anything.  I even had a future prominent hip hop figure in attendance!  I’m sure you all know Public Enemy.  Their DJ for most of their popular years was Terminator X, but he later left the group and was replaced by DJ Lord.  At one time DJ Lord was DJ Lord Aswad, but way back before then he called himself DJ Art La Rock, cause his name used to be Arthur.  He was a couple years behind my sister in high school, and he lived across the street from the lady that used to keep me after I got out of school.  He was cuttin and scratching way back then and was a pretty funny guy.  The only memories I have of him were his mother sending us to the store to get some Benson & Hedges Menthols, and because she talked really really fast, it sounded like RUNTODASTOWANDGETMESOMEBENSONHEDGESMENTHAWL!  He imitated her which was funny as heck to an 8 year old.  The other memory was that he made this little weapon I think they call a pluffer where you stick a berry on the end, and you use the plunger on the other end to push the berry out like a little bullet.  He had red berries that grew on a bush on the side of his house and he would target my forehead on many occasions.  

But anyway, back to the party, no one was breakdancing, so I, fearing that my party was in critical condition, tried to inject some life into the party by pop locking to Newcleus “Jam on Revenge”:

Needless to say, it didn’t work, and I was forever scarred by that party.  I never wanted to throw another party after that, because I am really sensitive to people having a good time at any event I have something to do with.  It could be me just inviting friends to see a movie.  I want everyone to get a lot of enjoyment out of the movie.  I wish I could just push it out of my mind and just enjoy myself, but it’s impossible for me because my enjoyment is derived from everyone else’s.  Sigh…oh well, what can you do?  Just do me a favor, if you are ever at a party and you hear the baseline from Newcleus “Jam on Revenge” come on, please get out there and at least do the centipede.




7 responses

22 10 2008

LOL!! Any chance we’ll see you breaking in a video online?

22 10 2008

NO chance at all A, sorry!

22 10 2008
Marketing Prophetess

I love that Mr. T .gif!! LOL!!!

22 10 2008

when i first read this title, i thought it said “Why I Don’t Throw Panties”.

and i thought, “well, that’s a good thing…”

22 10 2008

Nah, I’d hold onto them for a little while 🙂

22 10 2008

there’s so much i want to say to that – or maybe even ask. but usually in these instances, it’s better to keep mi boca cerrada. LOL

23 10 2008

Cord, I tried to throw a party as a 9th grader in 1973 or ’74. Dudes showed up but no girls. Turns out they were all at a skating party. They arrived about 10:30, but my mom said the party had to start at 8 and be over by 11p.m. And she stuck to it, she wouldn’t exend it to say, 12:30, like most house parties.

My mom didn’t care how I looked or how embarrassed I was. I was pissed. Of course I never threw another one.

And sometimes to this day I hear from my couple of friends about my “bachelor party.” I shoot them a dirty look.

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