Goin home

30 10 2008

Hey everyone.  Mr. Charlie has me workin hard on the plantation, and since I don’t wanna get axed, I’m making sure I do all I can to keep my penny making job, hence the infrequent posts.

I’m going home to Georgia for the weekend.  I miss my mom, my sister, and my nieces and nephew.  I am definitely my mother’s son, but not a momma’s boy.  My parents divorced when I was really young, and I guess I was the man of the house so to speak.  I would describe our relationship as a loving one, but none of my family on either side are very affectionate.  I’ve seen really affectionate families that love on each other all the time, tell one other “I love you” all the time and so on and so forth.  I’m not saying that’s not cool, but that’s just not us, although I think I hear “I love you” a lot more from my folks as they have gotten up in age.  I wonder is it like that for all parents?  I wonder if they feel their mortality and want to make sure that we know they love us before they leave this earth?  Well, I know without them saying it as much, I mean, how could you not love me? 🙂  I kid! I kid!

For real though, I know they both have made sacrifices for my comfort and happiness, and although I’ll never know just how many sacrifices they made, I know that they were.  At my age, my parents had two kids.  I was 4 and my sister was 12.  That’s heavy stuff when I think about it.   I can’t quite imagine that I would be ready for kids anytime soon, but everyone that has kids has told me that it’s nothing that you can really prepare for, because it just happens and you become ready.

My mom is a virgo like me and she just turned 60.  I wished I could have done something really nice for her birthday, but I really could not.  I get choked up as I type this because it really upsets me and I love my mom.  She’s worked hard all her life, and I wish I could just tell her to quit her job and take care of her. 

There is something about the love that a son has for his mother and vice versa as well as the love that daughters have for their fathers and vice versa that trancends regular familial love.  My theory is that mother’s love their sons hard because that is the only man (normally) in her life that will love her unconditionally and there are no worries about infidelity, suspect loyalty, or any ego issues. The converse works the same way, as I know that no matter what woman comes or goes in my life, my mother will always love me.    I imagine the same theory can be applied to the father/daughter relationship.  A daughter can just love her dad and a dad can just love his daughter without any of the pollutants I mentioned.

A friend of mine is on the brink of losing her father.  My heart goes out to her and I will pray that she will be alright and has faith that he will be in a better place.  I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I knew I was losing my mother, but it wouldn’t be good.

Now this is not to say that I don’t love my dad, because I do very much.  What I can say though is that the love is just different.  I love him for giving me a model of what a man is and how I should behave and the things I should strive for.  The bad thing about a mother’s love is that I know that I could be a total f*ck up and my mother would never love me any less.  My father on the other hand I think wouldn’t have as much discomfort with the idea of disowning me.  I guess that’s why I love my mom to death, but want to make my dad proud the most.  When I think back to my basketball games, it was always really difficult for my mom to come to a game, and I would love seeing her, but when I saw or heard my dad in the stands, it  was like I felt invincible.  He was in the stands that game I scored 33 points.

Like I said, my dad and mom divorced when I was very young, and he has since remarried, moved to Florida, and I have two half siblings.  I would describe them as one 19 year old half sister that is 85% f*ck up, and my 17 year old half brother who is 99% f*ck up.  They have been spoiled rotten and have turned out to be sorry.  The difference? Well, we have different mothers and had different experiences growing up, and I think those make all the difference in the world.  Maybe they’ll turn out ok.  I just hope they get it right before it’s too late.

As for my sister, she probably has been the most influential person in my life.  She always had the right answers and right advice.  She had 8 years of growing up under her belt, and lucky for me, I recognized it early on, so I decided to listen to what she says.  She never steered me wrong.  When I try to impart some knowledge into those knuckle head half siblings of mine, they just don’t seem to take it to heart like I did my sister.  I think it’s because I’m 13-15 years older, so there is somewhat of a disconnect there, then add to that the fact that we didn’t really grow up together, because when my sister was 5, I was basically gone, off to school and growing into my manhood away from home.  I remember my sister having to drag me along with her to this place and that when I was little.  I never had to do that with my younger siblings.  I don’t feel guilty about it though, because our relationship is pretty much a product of the circumstances.  But then again, aren’t all relationships formed like that?

Well that’s enough for now.  I know I’ve been all sentimental for the past couple days, but when I come back from my weekend back home, I’ll be talking more sh!t and keeping you laughing to pass the day while you slave away on your plantation.  Until then, VOTE FOR CHANGE NIGGAS!!




3 responses

30 10 2008
Marketing Prophetess

Your family is probably so proud of you and would shed tears of joy if they read this.

I agree with what you said about mothers and sons and fathers and daughters. My Dad’s only concern is that I am happy, and he still baby’s me like I’m 12. 🙂 My Mom on the other hand is more of a stickler for keeping my sisters and I in line. I love her for that, because I definitely need someone to check me every now and then, but I more so want to make her proud and give her something to brag to her homies about.

My parents got divorced when I was 15, so it didn’t really hit me as hard as it hit my younger sisters. I still don’t really understand why though. My Dad has remarried, and my Mom hasn’t. She says its because no one compares to my Dad. And its so true. My Dad is dope! They talk on the phone every evening, and email one another constantly. I always wish in the back of my mind that they’d get back together. Sigh… I’ve told my parents before that I can even fathom them not being in my life and that I want to take care of them when their elderly (wow, that sounds weird – my parents still seem like they’re in their late 40’s in my mind’s-eye) because they lived their lives to provide for us, and that’s it. I think I couldn’t exist if they were gone. I don’t even want to imagine.

31 10 2008

my heart hurts for her. i’m praying every minute i can 😦

31 10 2008
IceBerg J

Great Post…I am lucky enough to have grown up in a two parent family home which looking back on it was an anomaly in the African American community even back in the 70s and 80s. I think that having that background growing up has shaped the way that I think about relationships.

Your Mom will never let you down no matter what and will always have your back! I think that most Dad’s don’t want to come across as too soft (especially with Boys) which is why they might mask their feelings. However, I know for a fact that Men worry more than Women about their Children even though it might not be expressed.

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